Wings
I grew up studying the Armor of God in church (found in Ephesians 6:11–17 and D&C 27:15–18). We discussed at length how we can protect and prepare ourselves for spiritual battle. For much of my life this alone was empowering. Each piece of armor was something I had control over. I could choose to have the spirit with me. I had control over my righteousness, my faith, and where I placed my feet.
During the last couple of months, however, I found myself afraid that despite my best effort my armor just wasn’t enough. I suited up the best I could each day and faced the storms of single parenthood. I wondered, how do I know if I have the courage it takes to actually fight the good fight? or continue fighting until the end even if it meant being alone? Is my shield, my faith, big enough? Is my breastplate strong enough? Am I enough?
Then I came upon this scripture which I had read before, but now see in a new light.
“Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31)
They that wait for God… will have wings as eagles.
Read up on eagles. They are legit. Did you know that eagles react differently amidst a storm than any other bird? When all other birds would flee, the eagle waits and then flies directly into the storm, knowing they can ride the pressure quickly up to a place of peace and safety.
So here I am, still kind of breathless standing in my mangled armor, having survived my first real brush with death. Let’s be real that’s what the last 7 months of flying through my life felt like. In the wake of my husband’s death, I faced a storm, flew right into it head on, and somehow found myself finding a glimpse of heaven. Like how what I just did was an unbelievably huge feat and not a big deal all at the same time. As if I literally mounted up on eagle’s wings and found my own glorious piece of heaven.
Was it hard? Absolutely. Would I ever want to do it that way again? Hell no. Would I ever wish it on any human being? Not ever.
But somehow I can now say with confidence… I’m grateful for the God-given wings that gave me flight.
The quote “then I shall have to make you wings” comes from one of my favorite movies, Ever After. When the heroine felt all hope was lost, her friends gave her wings and more importantly the confidence to “fly".
